The Rest

...I can't explain how it happened, but I woke up in the back of a cart of vegetables. I guess those spices put me out for quite awhile because it didn't seem that I was in the Asian forest anymore. I smelled something salty, like an ocean, and then I noticed I was getting farther and farther away from the mainland--or it could have been an island for all I knew. I determined that I was on a ship headed out to sea but didn't understand why there were assorted vegetables surrounding me. I glanced around and discovered that the cart of vegetables I was in was actually a human-towed cart. From this I deduced that there must be a human somewhere around. I climbed out of the vegetable cart and proceeded to look for crew-members aboard this ship. While I was walking around and observing things, I realized that I was aboard a freight ship filled with all sorts of goods. There were caged ducks, crates of bamboo, several sitars strapped together and a myriad of other items. At this point I stopped for a second and wondered if I were actually some piece of frieght that had just came alive. I looked down at my feet and hands and thought, "nope, I'm a human--I wonder if there's anyone else like me on this floating craft." I heard a sound to my left and I glanced to find two majestic stallions harnessed to a post aboard the ship. There were a few boxes across from these horses, around from which came an Asian man holding a bonsai tree. I looked at him and he looked at me and then he came over and handed me the bonsai. He made some gestures and convinced me to follow him onto another deck of the ship. He started to prepare some tea for two and I took this opportunity to ask him if the entire ship belonged to him. He couldn't understand me and I couldn't understand him, but he responded by laughing and pointing at a crate of weasels on the table. Long story short, he gave me my tea, we sat down, and he told me stories (which I couldn't understand at all except for a word that sounded like "hi mr. sachi") until we got to our next stop. We got off the ship and I looked around for signs. I was lucky enough to find. It said, "Welcome to Saudi Arabia." I looked back for the Asian man but he was busy carrying fish off of the ship so I decided not to bother him (I don't think he would have understood me anyways). I wanted to ask him where I should go for assistance but I decided not to bother him. I set off into the port city and passed a number of small shops. I attempted to approach one of them but was harassed by a monkey throwing dates at me. I continued into a narrow market place and noticed that everyone in the marketplace began exiting as soon as I arrived. There were about four people left in a now open market place, surrounded on all sides by Arabian houses. Suddenly, I heard a loud roar and noticed the ground started to shake. I turned around and saw a stampede of people with shining swords, wearing sandles, coming towards me. I was helpless there, and preparing to get trampled to death. All I remember is that I was caught up in a massive storm of yelling voices and by the time I came out of it I was carrying a shiny sword and wearing a one of those head-pieces that has the flap which protects your neck from the sun. By the time the whole thing settled down I was no longer in the market-place, but my legs were tired and I wanted some water. I was in the middle of a small camp and I went up to a man dressed in a brown garment. He offered me some water and told me in broken English that I needed to get some sleep. He led me to a small tent and showed me a cot where I could get some rest. It was by now, late evening. I drank some water, ate a flat biscuit, and fell asleep. The next morning I was awakened by the sound of some sort of trumpet. I walked outside and saw some high-ranking British officials talking with the leaders of the camp that had been so hospitable to me. These British officers led me to a camel caravan and helped me onto a camel named Davie. We set off on a long journey that ultimately ended me up in Stockholm, Sweden. I was led to an airport and forced to get on an airplane by some Swedish authorities with thick Swedish accents. As I was walking through the airport I caught a glimpse of Schnergen Flergen.

The plane took off and 10 hours later I found myself parachuting onto a small Island. I landed safely, but I was by myself, or so I thought. A couple native Indians where there with me as I soon discovered by turning around quickly after feeling the end of a spear tap my back. These native's gathered my parachute and led me on a vigorous hike up the side of a mountain at spear-point. It was at this time late-evening and I was very tired and wanted to stop but I didn't realize how close we were to the end of our journey. One of the Indians shoved me to the ground, which was very hot. I got to my feet quickly and observed that I was right at the rim of a volcano. I heard a deep-voiced native yelling something and I looked over to find that a masked man was screaming at me. He just sat there yelling and jutting his hand towards me. I had no idea what to do when suddenly it dawned on me. I still had my chocolate-covered pretzels from the airport in Germany! I handed these to the masked native and he let out a wild scream of indignation and horror which in English probably would have translated to something like, "eh, this'll do." He patted me on the back and threw me into the volcano. All I heard was a big blast and a few seconds later realized that I was sailing high above the earth. Apparently the volcano had erupted just as I was thrown in. I was thrust high up into the air and just as I was realizing what happened, I felt gravity start to suck me back towards the planet. I guess I landed in the ocean, but I'm not sure. Whatever happened, I had landed safely and woke up on the back of a llama. This was extremely exciting for me because I love llamas. Again I was going up a mountain, but I was on the back of a magnificent creature. It took about an hour, but me and my llama made it to the top of the mountain which was very cold and I saw a helicopter waiting. A few crewmen were calling out to me so I went up to them and asked for a ride. They said, "yeh sure," and I asked if I could bring the llama with me but they said, "uh, I don't think so."

I got on board and started asking them more questions. I found that I was very fortunate because it turns out that Eyewitness News was doing a special report in the Peruvian Andes mountains that day. I was riding in their helicopter and I got to say "And that's what make the Andes Mountains so marvelous" on tv! The particular helicopter I was heading for an airport near my house so I was pretty excited. I would be home within a couple days.

As you can see, I was very busy ever since I left for Ukraine. I hope you haven't given up on checking my blog (apparently not). Thanks for checking in.